How to judge a dude by his food
I’m single, dating and a bit of a food person (to put it mildly). I can’t imagine dating someone who isn’t a food person or, worse, someone who eats the same thing every day.
I know, I know—I’ll probably end up with a guy who lives on Spaghetti-o’s and Bud Light. And it’ll probably serve me right for being as judgmental as I’m about to be.
See, I often think about the so-called rules of dating, as they apply to the ladies: You know, like don’t order just a salad because you’ll be pegged as the diet girl or don’t ask for anything “on the side” because he’ll think you’re a high-maintenance diva.
I felt like it was time to turn the dinner tables on the boys and offer up my own gut reaction to some common first date orders. And based on your response the last time I did something like this, I fully expect you to weigh in with your own opinions.
Steak – It’s hot when a dude orders steak. That said, everything in moderation. I went out a few times with a tattooed pseudo-stud who ordered steak compulsively. It was cute —until I realized he was doing Atkins. Just like you don’t want to know when we feel fat, we don’t want to know that you’re on a fad diet.
Fish – I really like you! You’re confident and comfortable in your own skin. You appreciate the finer things and you’re a little bit health-conscious. Again, just don’t order it every time, or I’ll start thinking you’re uptight.
Pasta – Perfecto. Just please don’t wear a bib. And if you order something boring like pasta primavera, own it. Say you’re in the mood for something simple. Otherwise I might picture myself in Napa sipping a pinot while you’re reaching for a Michelob Light.
Dumplings – You’re cute. Cute as a button, or, er…a dumpling.
General Tso’s Chicken – You’re not one to go against the grain, but hey, there’s nothing wrong with an easygoing fella.
Greek salad – Points for culture, but just like we can’t do the salad, you can’t either. I don’t care how much feta is in there.
Chicken tenders – Is your momma coming to dinner with us, little buddy?
Pad thai – Safest bet on the menu, but the fact that you suggested Thai in the first place is cool.
Fajitas – You’re sizzling company. Just make sure you don’t get any of that sizzle on my sweater.
Turkey – If it’s not Thanksgiving and you’re not at Subway, don’t order turkey. I can’t explain it but just trust me on this one.
Game – Uh, as long as it’s not accompanied by hunting-with-Daddy stories, do your thing. And one more thing…please don’t sport mandals.
Pizza – If we’re at a Pizzeria or a pub, it’s all good, but if we are at a white table-clothed restaurant, you might want to aim a little higher. I mean, what’s for dessert—karaoke with your frat brothers?
Burger – You’re a solid man of good taste. You know what you like and you better give me a bite.
Sushi – You’re a keeper. Especially if you do the omakase and If you have the courage to try blowfish, I’d like you to meet my family.
Dessert – Let’s save this for the fifth date. By that time we both won’t care about an extra five pounds.